With rumors swirling and an open head coaching position waiting to be filled at the University of Louisville, Big Red Louie sat down for an exclusive interview with Jeff Brohm- the man many insiders are calling “the only man for the job.”
Purdue University Head Football Coach Jeff Brohm sat unassuming, slouched back in the 30 something year old arm-chair of his private office Wednesday. He had just pointed over his shoulder to his favorite quote, an olde english proverb hanging, framed on the wall. “It’s true you know,” he insisted. “The quote I mean.”
Brohm, 47, twice a head coach and many times over an assistant and coordinator, was once a University of Louisville Quarterback on his way to making a name for himself in the coaching world-even before he graduated as a student athlete in 1993. “The quote was on my dorm wall then and I’ve kept it all these years,” he waxed.
Using a half-mangled finger he’d mutilated in an infamous J.U.G.S. machine accident, Brohm pointed along as he pronounced each word. It read:
"“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”-Dumbledore"
Coach Brohm, or Stoker as his wife Jennifer calls him, has lived by that creed since before his days of playing on Saturdays. “Nobody in my family really shared my love for sports and so my decision to pursue it seemed odd to them. Really stepped out on a limb there. Just some very hard choices I had to make back then,” he espoused.
Choices will be the theme of the next few weeks for Brohm and his family. The 2nd year Head Coach of Purdue Football has been looking to cinematic classics like “The Longest Yard” and “The Longest Yard” for inspiration in his decision-making. “I had to make a pros and cons list for my options here and I couldn’t think of a more helpful tool,” he explained.
Eluding to such options is perhaps the coach’s first semi-official recognition of the University of Louisville’s, very Mr.Magoo like, secretive pursuit of Brohm over the last few weeks. With a fledgling team lead by Bobby “Road Rash” Petrino, the University would neither deny or confirm they had been in pursuit of Brohm to replace Petrino over the last few weeks.
Sitting forward in his chair, armed with his ever-present whistle in his mouth, Brohm annoyingly detailed some of the behind the scene goings on and his thoughts on the idea of coaching at Louisville.
“Well I put that tracker on Bobby a while back to figure out where I’d be coaching next. I hope he gets on Alabama. Really praying for him. But anyway, look! I know I’m the best fit for the job. That’s obvious.” He began posturing more loudly,”I know where Highland Coffee is! Genny’s Diner’s Frickle Pickle was my s%*?. Hell, I even sat next to Muhammad Ali at Hunter S. Thompson’s funeral while wearing an Ear-X-Tacy shirt! For god’s sake, I’m a walking fleur-de-lis!”
(Writers note:Mr.Brohm became overwhelmingly excited in this exchange and had to be sedated with the hypnotic monotony of YouTube videos of 2006-2007 Big 10 basketball. In turn we decided to narrow the format of our interview going forward and participate in a simple Q and A.”
Q&A
BRL:Do you think you’ll be the next Head Football coach at The University of Louisville?
Brohm: What ever happened to Greg Oden?
BRL: Shin splints or something…so what do you think?
Brohm: I mean probably. I’m not going to lie here, and maybe I’ll get some backlash from being so candid, but in all honesty I hope so. I’m really tired of sharing facilities with the University Rifle Team, those guys creep me out.
BRL: You all share facilities at Purdue with the rifle team?
Brohm: Yeah.. It’s a gazebo under the bleachers. You ever tried to put on a jock strap in December with a stiff breeze rolling through your zeebo’? Not fun. I’m ready to hightail it.
BRL: Okay then….So it’s looking like this Purdue team will be headed to a bowl game this year. Any preferences? And if you do take the Louisville job would you be on the sidelines for it?
Brohm: I think Greg Oden just really liked oatmeal pies. Understandable.
BRL: …Jeff…?
Brohm: Oh yeah. Well I’m really hoping for the Redbox Bowl in Santa Clara. They’ve promised me a Blu-Ray of that movie Andre in my swag bag. You know the one about the seal and the little girl? Classic. Hahah(long pause)….Yeah I’d still coach it. I can’t leave my guys here hanging. We’ve been together all season and a bowl was our goal at the beginning of the season. I want to see it through. Plus if they win I don’t want to be the Pete Best of Purdue football.
BRL: Yes, we’re familiar with the seal movie. Pete Best…interesting characterization. If, or rather when, you move on to coaching at Louisville what will you miss most about your time here at West Lafayette?
Brohm: Hold on, where am I?
BRL: West Lafeyette…Indiana?
Brohm: Okay, yeah sure, I knew that. Ummmmmm. Well I did get to go to Minneapolis in Novem….yeah, nothing.
Coach Brohm had to promptly leave our interview to make it to his daily task of washing the team’s jerseys while cooking their dinner. Brohm explained on his way out of his office that he had taken over the tasks “because it seemed like the right thing to do,” adding “it’s not the President’s job anymore, he’s a busy man.”
In reflecting after coach’s exit from our meeting it seemed clear. The stage appears to be set for the return of a Louisville legend to start his tenure leading the Cardinals. He’s been primed and prepared.
Brohm brings to the Cards, not only having been born within the city limits of the our beloved city, dubbed “the worlds worst large city for allergy sufferers”, but also a profoundly average 12-11 record as the Head Coach at Purdue. Get ready Cards Fans!
Win, sneeze, lose, sneeze.
Win, sneeze, lose, sneeze.
Win, sneeze, lose, sneeze.
Win, sneeze, lose, sneeze.
Win, sneeze, lose sneeze.
Win, sneeze, lose, sneeze.
Sneeze again.
Go Bowling!
Repeat!
Go Cards!