Louisville basketball: Cards ramscootrify Demon Deacs
Louisville basketball walloped (1) Wake Forest on Wednesday in a 28 point beatdown (2) that sent the Cards back into a tie for first place in the ACC.
Ramscooter: Verb. To set about with violence, drub, trounce, drive off in terror.
Ex (Scottish): Tho’ Teenie shood ramskooter my heed wi’ the bakin’-roller fam I came hame i’ the mornin’.
Ex 2 (past tense): Louisville basketball ramscootrified (3) Wake Forest on the road on Wednesday night.
The Cards absolutely suffocated (4) the Demon Deacons, leading wire-to-wire, which ultimately resulted in a 28-point pummeling (5). So to honor this absolute dog-walking (6), we will recap this beaut of a game with 28 different ways to describe the aforementioned schellacking (7).
The Cards got off to an unusually hot start, thanks in part to Wake Forest’s unusually poor defense. The lay-up line was open for business early and often in this unequivocal wrecking (8).
Much to the demise of the Wake Forest faithful, Jordan Nwora found his first half form and sliced (9), smothered (10), covered (11), and chunked (12) his way through the Deacfense; Every drunken man’s dream, but every demonic minister’s nightmare.
The Cards’s defense banjaxed (13) and rumbusticated (14) the Wake offense, and other than a few early baskets, the Louisville ball pressure left them in their Wake (15). Halfway through the smack-down (16), Louisville led 48-25.
At this point, the conversation in the BRL group text had veered from basketball talk to debates on best Middletown bars named after animals. And they are a plenty: The Goat, Blind Squirrel, Roosters, Double Dogs. Unless you were in The Ville or Winston Salem, it was going to take more than a couple of beers at one of these classy (albeit moderately over-priced) establishments to be able to find something enjoyable about this drubbing (17).
The Cards put it to bed (18) early on in the second half, taking an overwhelming (19) 35 point lead. In the words of BRL’s Andy Harrell, “Demon Deacons, fleetin’ season. (20)” Word to your mother.
The Deacs were submitted exclamatorily (21). The announcer’s conversation mid-way through the decisive victory (22) turned to ex-wives in Seattle, and we were entertained by the rim-obliterations (23) of Malik Williams (and his pony tail?).
Still, the unwilling submission (24) of Wake Forest left much to be desired. Chris Mack was displeased with the performance of his squadron in the waning moments. Mack left in most of his starters for the duration of the mullering (25), yet the Deacs crept closer, capping a 19-4 run with a Darius Perry technical foul.
However, Louisville’s grinding to smithereens (26) of their opponent may have been exactly what the doctor ordered going into a hellacious February. The Cards avoided a trap game and blasted the opposition (27) from the jump. Here’s to hoping Louisville can, once again, annihilate (28) the boys from Chapel Hill when they come to town this Saturday.
MVP: Dwayne Sutton. Sutton had 17 points, 10 boards, 4 assists, 3 steal, 2 turtle doves, and another stuffing of a stat sheet.
LVP: The Demon Deacon is the worst mascot in the country, and that’s saying something because WKU has a red blob.
X-Factor: Kwhan Fore went for… four points, but it is clear that he is establishing himself as a permanent starter. He is pushing Louisville forward at the two spot, and continues to be Mr. Consistent on the defensive end.